You must create NEW habitual behaviors

The greatest gift you can give yourself is the gift of full presence and self awareness ! Accessing the now brings liberation my lovely friends It frees you in every way Here’s the thing Your patterns ( mind stuff ) will continue to play out in your life from the habit mind ( your subconscious) […]

Healthy people don’t keep hurting you

Are you allowing someone to treat you poorly ? I know how that feels my loves ….I spent years like this as many of you know… the thing is we have to realise that we can’t change them but we can change ourselves. Nobody is allowed to treat you badly that’s their shit & it’s […]

You’re looking at the wrong person

I spent a lot of years hanging on to the wrong person Trying to convince him that I was the one .. it was exhausting . Can you relate ? I didn’t realise at the time but it was my wounded inner child seeking love & validation from an emotionally unavailable man that was doing […]

What the bleep are you thinking?

Want to get over your ex & feel nothing but joy and freedom ? Want to keep moving forward & not be pulled back into a toxic relationship when he realizes you mean it this time. He begins telling you what “he thinks” you wanna hear, the crawl back begins Some examples include . ❌didn’t […]

Toxic love is like a tumor

Being in a toxic relationship can slowly kill you ! I know because I became super unwell in mine and I believe the years I spent living in my sympathetic nervous system had something to do with it ! We all know emotinally it messes us up but what about the impact it’s having on […]

Yes, breaking up hurts.

You will breathe again and more deeply Walking away from a relationship is never easy when we have invested so much time it can feel overwhelming And if you have been in a toxic relationship or trauma bonding situation it can feel incredibly difficult but here’s the good news it doesn’t have to be this […]

Healthy love feels good, it’s that simple.

Healthy love feels good it’s that simple ! It doesnt mean you don’t still have your differences that show up, you will, that’s life but there isn’t this never ending battle in your head where you keep suffering, feeling anxious, over thinking. The right people naturally bring out the best in you ! After a […]

Your person is out there

Do you believe ? Are you in a place of receiving a beautiful healthy relationship that you have been asking for ? Type yes if you are ❤️ So here’s what I know , making a DECISION that you are ready for love, the healthy unwavering kind , means you are opening your heart for […]

The only person you need, is YOU

The only person you will 💯 spend your whole life with is you so isn’t it worth making sure you are the best you For you ! Yes yes yes ! I spent many years being hard on myself I felt worthless ! I abandoned myself many times in order to feel accepted or loved […]

Are you the common demoninator?

When we want to change anything in our life we must first look at ourselves & ask what’s inside of me ( what beliefs/thoughts) must I believe to have this experience playing out in my life consistently. Answer me this: Are you always in relationships filled with drama, chaos? Do you choose people that aren’t […]

Toxicity disguised as chemistry

Chemistry is often a sign of familiar unconscious toxic patterns connecting between 2 people Sure chemistry can be a good thing if we have a history of healthy relationships but so often chemistry ( especially without a sound emotional connection) is actually our internalized trauma conditioning aligning to another’s. When we keep attracting the same […]

He’s not in the mood, right?

I have experienced the silent treatment, the manipulation, the aggression because I wasn’t in the mood ! Pretty awful right ? Gosh the control. Eww those toxic connections 😟 Here’s the thing no one wants to have sex with someone who is unpredictable, angry, self serving, and cruel Maybe we can do it for a […]

Choose a partner who is easy on you

Nothing feels better than being with someone who is gentle with you, who is easy with you I have experienced toxic I have also experienced healthy love One thing that stands out is how easy it feels when you are treated well Having a partner willing to hold space for you Who supports you and […]

Can’t share your feelings? you’re not alone

Every time I opened my heart to share my feelings the relationship came to a grinding halt & it only got worse, he hated it He would invalidate my feelings & tell me it wasn’t as bad as I was saying, he would tell me I was too sensitive, over reacting, or the one liner […]

You matter, a lot

You matter … a lot ! Take that in my dear ❤️ The way you feel right now in this moment, the way you feel as you fall to sleep & awaken Your fears, your dreams, your worries, your happiness It all matters I want you to be your own best friend I want you […]

Desperately chasing is a trauma response

I spent years living like this Chasing love Needing love Wanting love I never realised that these desperate needs were a trauma response coming from my wounded child, desperately seeking to feel loved wanted safe Can you relate my loves ? Here’s the thing it’s not until we end up in certain relationship dynamics that […]

The sad truth is, they are not the best for you

The sad truth is the people that we fight to hold on to or the ones we chase are not the best for us. They usually represent our past, meaning energetically that persons behavior towards you triggers past memories in which you were not seen heard or validated? It may have been reoccurring or occasional […]

You need to see things as they are!

My loves I know how hard it is when you want things to be different, it’s hard to accept things as they are sometimes You hoped & wished things were different. You saw glimpses of what could have been a great relationship but you also saw the red flags over & over I know for […]

Stop trying to figure out if he’s interested!

Hello my loves, how much time have you spent trying to figure out if they are interested or not ? When they are you know it 💯 There is no second-guessing, no wondering, no anything other than their actions speak Hoping someone sees you means you are looking at the wrong person, so go where […]

He is never going to change!

He is never going to change ! How many times have you found yourself banking on the potential of person as opposed to seeing them for what they are? How many times do you ask yourself where the Hek do I stand with them? It’s a head trip right ? And yes it happens the […]

Not there for the good times?

You know it’s not ok right ? You know that he is only there on his terms, when it suits him & when he wants something I know you cling to the feeling you get when he does show up because hey we all want to feel that sense of belonging and closeness & u […]

Breakup, makeup, repeat?

Even when we know a relationship is unhealthy we stay in it Break up make up patterns are becoming increasingly common but these patterns are extremely toxic! I know because I lived in one of these exact patterns and it s mentally taxing There are a number of reasons people choose to stay in this […]

5 affirmations to attract a beautiful relationship

Sometimes its hard to imagine having a deeply loving healthy relationship if we haven’t had that before ! Often times we need to create new beliefs around love and re write our internal scripts, so that we can attract a person who loves us unconditionally or maybe we just need reminding that we can have […]

You deserve great love

I read this quote a while ago & it hit me to the bones….Can you feel it too ? How many times have you? Settled for so little, thinking that is all you deserved? Pleaded for the bare minimum thinking that’s all we deserved! Begged a person not to leave ( even though they were […]

That sweet first sleep

I remember it well 😃 The feeling of knowing I didn’t have to deal with him again The feeling of knowing I was free I didn’t have to deal with his moods His anger his aggression his obsession Everything felt better Sweeter lighter That first night I only had a mattress in my new home […]

Presents or presence?

Yep I hear you Both right ?lol Truth is having a partner who is present with you is as sexy AF Someone that leans in, wants to know you Wants to know WHO YOU ARE Receiving gifts is nice too But if a Person can’t hold space with you then for me it’s a no […]

Are you looking for a partner, or a parent?

Have you been in relationships that are chaotic filled with drama, well it probably has something to do with this … This is a reality that so many people are unaware of! First off how do you know if you have inner wounds, well let’s just say most if not all of us do and […]

Anxiety? you’re overthinking it!

Over thinking can produce a lot of anxiety right ? Learning to stay in your body & not get pulled into your thoughts all the time is a skill ! Stating connected to your boat means knowing yourself I teach people how to stay present in my programs as well as offering some super quick […]

Your past does not define you

Your past is over It doesn’t define you Because it does not exist accept as a mental construct of your mind so go easy on yourself my loves Because no one is as hard on you as you are on yourself Let go of the labeling the judging You are worthy & enough Stop looking […]

You deserve love

Ok my loves listen up You deserve love that feels safe loving and healthy in which you can be authentically yourself!…. Love is not a never-ending chaotic mess Attachment however can feel like love & often that’s what we think is love Ending cycles that are anchored in drams chaos, suffering, overthinking means you have […]

Are you tired yet?

Are you looking around at your friends that are settling down, doing the family thing on the weekends & thinking WTF?
WE ARE CHOOSING THIS! They couldn’t do it if we weren’t allowing it, If we knew our worth if we injected our emotional boundaries right ?

The 5 signs of trauma bonding why it is so hard to leave a toxic person

Trauma bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent hot and cold behavior, reward, and punishment create strong emotional bonds that can be difficult to unhook. This pattern often stems from inner child wounds.

4 tips in staying sane if you are going through a break up or dealing with a messy relationship

Good morning darlings, I recorded a podcast about this situation and I received great feedback. If you haven’t listened to my podcasts you can find me on all platforms click here to listen…. anchor.fm/sallykalan .. The name of my podcast is called Relationships the Good & the Messy, Sally Kalan Show. I share lots of valuable […]

Lets talk about sex!

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX Well I am going to be raw and authentic and honest here. I am not ashamed to admit that I have self pleasured from a young age and I still do. I love being in touch with my body and connected and I have no shame in saying so. I say […]

Emotional Boundaries are a necessity

EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES BLOG…….. Emotional boundaries  have been one of my biggest life lessons and I only wish I knew of them years ago. I can not emphasis the importance of having them, but when we don’t feel to good in the self worth department it can be difficult to even understand what they are.  I […]