4 tips in staying sane if you are going through a break up or dealing with a messy relationship

Good morning darlings,

I recorded a podcast about this situation and I received great feedback. If you haven’t listened to my podcasts you can find me on all platforms click here to listen…. anchor.fm/sallykalan .. The name of my podcast is called Relationships the Good & the Messy, Sally Kalan Show. I share lots of valuable information on all aspects of “Relationships”.

So on with today’s message for you lovely people. When we find ourselves  in a toxic situation it IS debilitating. It literally can suck the life out of us especially if it has been going on for an extended period of time. It can feel like a never ending battlefield of arguments and heightened states of emotions that leave us feeling as though we are literally going crazy, insane, but there are definitely ways to assist you through so let me share with you here what you can do.

1.Practice the art of pulling your energy inwards back to you.. We can expend so much energy on the external situation meaning we stay hooked into the drama, the pain and we begin explaining ourselves over and over not only to our current or ex  partner but to other people as well. We over think, we over analyse, and we drain our  internal resources by doing this. We get into a pattern of running on low energy and  it just becomes “the normal” as our mind is constantly focused on the outside situation right?  So let me show you how to begin to pull your energy inwards. Try this for a moment …Take a breath right now, take a moment to  feel totally at peace, you can focus on anything that normally cause you to feel calm, maybe its being in nature, playing with your pets, listening to music, whatever is your calm place & feel into your whole body and breathe in deeply through your nose and slowly out  through your mouth.  Place your hand on your heart and lovingly tell yourself, you are loved, and you are OK as you do this you will become more present and your energy is now going to be felt within  you and not away from you.. Notice  how you are feeling and where you energy is after you have repeated this a few times. This is a practice that is very simple and  will give you a sense of calm and balance as you practice this regularly.


2. Meditation. This is one of the single best things you can ever do for yourself and if you follow me then you will know that I rave on about this a lot. Having a practice such as meditation changes the chemicals in your own mind, it literally re calibrates the neural pathways in your brain causing a ripple affect of more inner peace, more creativity, less stress and anxiety, improved over all health, improved sleep to name a few of the benefits.  It is not a religious practice, but it has its roots in deep ancient practices of self realization. Meditation when practiced consistently will have a dramatic affect on your life. I began meditating over 10 years ago, and I have taught many people through my coaching practice  simple ways to incorporate meditation into their life.

I do know for many people the thought of meditating sounds  super boring, and I hear you because  I was also that person.. I didn’t believe it could do much for my life let alone transform it & I used to find it so difficult to concentrate without my mind wondering however I pushed through the uncomfortable & unfamiliar because I  knew if millions were healing and experiencing huge benefits from meditation  I knew it could happen for me and so I kept at it, and i am so grateful I stuck with it. So I urge you to give it a go.. Here is a simple exercise that you can practice each morning to begin to train your mind.. As soon as you wake get your self into an upright position making sure your spine is  straight, and with your eyes closed take a deep breathe in and then out, as you do this keep your focus only on the breathe. that’s it. sounds simple right, it is, but not always easy.The idea is to just keep focusing on your breath, if you notice your mind chatting away, bring your attention back to the breathe and keep going .Its all about extension of concentration. Being able to go longer and longer periods without an interrupted thought


3. Allow the other person to be right. Yes you read that correct. How much time and energy do we spend trying to get them to “get it”, way too much right, and here again is when it can feel as though we care going crazy. They say things that they know will trigger us and we immediately flare up wanting to defend ourselves and say our point of view. The problem is they don’t care, they are only interested in getting a rise, because its undoubtedly the pattern that has been playing out in the relationship, especially if you have been involved with a narcissist. So here’s what you do when they are blaming complaining and saying all whats up with you, you simply say one sentence ” I  can accept you faulty perception of me”, brilliant isn’t it? yep that’s  right. You are now in a place where your energy, your mental health is worth far more than being right or wrong and you know in your soul that your own self love is way more important. This response is going to absolutely keep you in your truth and help you feel more calm and centered. Its empowerment right there.


4. Have something in your life that you love to do & people around you who make you feel good. Finding ourselves in a toxic, or unhappy relationship  is without question difficult and at times soul destroying, but YOU WILL get through it and you will rise from it stronger and happier than before. It really can be a time of epic spiritual growth and a time where you grow more than you ever have in your entire life. This is why its important to remind yourself, that this will pass and that even though right now it may not feel great this is still your precious beautiful life and there are still moments and times to have joy and laughter. Sure some days you wont feel like doing much but other times you may want to and you may even be able to laugh at things that once really hurt you. Its important to stay connected to people that love and support you. Keep yourself busy with things you enjoy darlings. It doesn’t have to even be big epic things, but things you ENJOY to do. My thing was nature. I began going on hikes, not epic adventures but mini hikes and keeping  connected to the earth. I find this to be highly grounding for me and so good for the soul. Its all about balance. The truth is staying mindful through the process and self love care will be the best thing you can do for you.


Sending each and every one of you love love love.

please reach out to me if I can assist you on your journey via the contact form and remember always YOU ARE ENOUGH.


warmest Sally x


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