Emotional Boundaries are a necessity

EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES BLOG…….. Emotional boundaries  have been one of my biggest life lessons and I only wish I knew of them years ago. I can not emphasis the importance of having them, but when we don’t feel to good in the self worth department it can be difficult to even understand what they are.  I want to share a little bit of my own realization and some tips for you if you are unclear of your own.

I never understood the concept of what it meant to have emotional boundaries which is kind of devastating as I reflect back at my life and see in retrospect how different my younger years could have played out had I been able to reinforce some of my own I say this because I definitely took the long way around when it came to loving ME. I accepted truly poor behavior over and over in some situations because I felt unworthy and didn’t understand I even had a choice.

The truth was I didn’t have a relationship with myself.  I was very much outwardly focused on finding someone to love me, heal me, accept me, of course it was all very unconscious but that IS what I was seeking, in fact its all I thought about for many years.

I was unknowingly trapped within in a bubble of pain stemming from my early years and I was an anxious emotional person half the time, desperate for love, I truly believed finding a man was the answer to my happiness and it did not occur to me that I may need to filter out some people that weren’t so great. Emotional boundaries was something I was not familiar with.

You see when a guy showed up and said all the right things told me he loved ME that was enough for me,  it didn’t matter if I didn’t feel 100% sure about him, it didn’t matter if he yelled, got angry, couldn’t control his  temper, or if he called me names, because other times he was kind and loving, I know crazy right?  but this is what I accepted and as you can see zero boundaries.

There was no line in the sand of what was OK and not OK for me. I do remember thinking if a man ever cheated on me that he would be gone and so I guess you can say I had some idea of boundaries albeit in the deeper places of my mind, but here is the thing I did get cheated on and it was awful, and I felt like I was going to die emotionally but guess what? I opted right back in the moment he said all the right things. I remember being astonishingly aware of what I was accepting but my insecurities and fear allowed me to accept the unacceptable and yep no boundaries  meant I didn’t even know  what was right or wrong for me…. Imagine if I had those boundaries,  it would have been a case of GOODBYE because when you have them in place and they are crossed you automatically know to speak up and say enough ! Its a total self love act.

So here is the thing lacking emotional boundaries has its roots in not recognizing your own self worth. If you dont recognize your own value then how can you know what is or isn’t aok..So lovelies  I urge you to begin that journey today.  Its not always easy making a decision to essentially reclaim your life and start behaving in more loving ways towards yourself but it is  necessary for your emotional well being and happiness because this is your standard you are setting for yourself. Let it begin today.  You show people how to treat you by  what you are willing and not willing to accept so you must have a standard that reflects your own love..

Letting go of the old patterns and embracing the new means change and with change sometimes comes a bit of turbulence and uncertainty  and that’s OK the unknown is where great new things can birth from,  keep loving you through the rocky parts and reminding yourself of how self love is the foundation of great relationships,  remember you are so damn worth it so lean into the changes beautiful people

I want to offer some suggestions here in knowing yourself and what your boundaries are.. so my suggestion is to  begin noticing the conversations with yourself. Start a journal and let yourself write away all your thoughts.Make a list of what you have accepted in the past and what you will not accept t now. Get clear on what you will not tolerate. This is really a self loving exercise and what I know for sure is  self love heals in such an epic way and gives you the confidence and self awareness you need to set those healthy boundaries. .

For myself I have realized that loving Sally first is paramount to all my other relationships, and when I say loving Sally  I mean a full acceptance and embodiment of who I truly am, the good the bad the messy. It takes time to totally merge into the newer version of yourself, but immediately you will begin to feel more free more at peace and more yourself. It feels completely freeing to stand in your truth my darlings and know without a shadow of a doubt that you will not allow yourself to be treated poorly by anyone ever again,  Yes you have the power! and it begins the moment you DECIDE.

When you choose to fall madly in love with yourself instead of seeking a person “out there”  when you make a decision to forgive the past and forgive yourself for being so hard on YOU, when you recognize that YOU ARE LOVE and you are the one person who will always have your own back, its a reclaiming of your life,  set your standards in a way that reflects your own self love and everything changes.

What you must do NOW is live this way not just understand the concept here but be able to love yourself in a way that you would want to be loved by someone else. Its about starting from this very moment and saying out loud that you are going to love yourself every day, embrace all the parts of yourself and be proud knowing that should a situation arise where someone is not respecting you or crossing a line that you have the inner calm and strength to speak your truth. No apologies. That is your power and your truth. The old programs of your mind will often distract you into thinking like the old you but observe your behavior, observe as you watch the old pattern rise up, the old pattern of not good enough, and then in its p;ace step into the new version of yourself.. After a while those new behaviors will over ride the old self… Keep loving you and consciously choose YOU

As a side note, its important to remember when someone is disrespecting you its always showing who THEY ARE it is never about you, but how you RESPOND IS ALL ABOUT YOU SO LOVE YOURSELF GORGEOUS ONES and  set your standards with love in your heart.

Start your journal today and what I found super helpful was writing a list of behaviors that I accepted at one time, and then I had a bonfire and burned everything I was saying goodbye to.

You are amazing I love you

Sally

 

 

 

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