The 5 signs of trauma bonding why it is so hard to leave a toxic person

Hello beautiful souls,

I have been in a couple of relationships where I was indeed in this cycle, I understand the way it feels to be caught in this type of dynamic and Its not only confusing it can take a toll on your mental health.

We must take responsibility for who we are and what we are allowing in our relationships, so I am sharing with you today the 5 signs you are living in a relationship that is defined as Trauma Bonding.

Let’s start with getting clear on what trauma bonding actually is:

Trauma bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent hot and cold behavior, reward, and punishment create strong emotional bonds that can be difficult to unhook. This pattern often stems from inner child wounds.

  1. You are settling for crumbs in the relationship because there is a push-pull dynamic going on. You are aware that you are receiving extraordinarily little emotionally and there seems to be this constant push-pull energy, its hot, its cold, he/she  is there, he/she  isn’t, it is all very uncertain most of the time

 

  1. A feeling that you are always walking on eggshells in the relationship. You are aware of the ever-changing dynamic and so you are unable to let yourself relax completely and the general feeling of walking on eggshells is always there. You know that this isn’t a normal functioning relationship, you know it by the way you FEEL and the fact you are aware of treading carefully is another sign this is not healthy

 

  1. There is a cycle of emotional addictions being played out which reinforces feelings of abandonment and rejection. You feel as though you are with 2 different people, one that can appear loving and another that is abusive and reactive, and even though it is turbulent and highly destabilizing you feel intensely hooked in. Your intellect is telling you to opt-out but emotionally you are driven into the relationship and sexual chemistry can be one of the reasons it can feel so intense as well. You become addicted to the emotions you are playing out. It is totally exhausting and yet we continue.

 

  1. The partner is unpredictable and unreliable, you do not feel you are in an emotionally and sometimes physically safe environment but lack the ability to end it because the emotional drives are hard-wired, because when they are treating you well you feel loved even if it’s only crumbs of attention of them being kind or loving its enough because when you are emotionally starved it feels satisfying to have just a few crumbs.

 

  1. The relationship is anchored in love and hate. On one hand, you feel all this love for the person and you focus only on what you want to see in the relationship, you convince yourself they will Improve and that it’s not so bad, other people have it worse, but then there are other times when you hate them, you see them for what they are doing and you tell yourself how awful they are and that is done and over, but then you are back on within days. They are also this way toward you. You live with them dancing between loving on you and hating on you. This one again is soul-destroying and the patterns continue.

 

So there are 5 of some of the most common signs lovelies that you are living in this dynamic so what do you do if this is you?

The first thing I would ask you is “are you wanting to break these patterns for life and heal the inner wounds within yourself that is allowing yourself to be in this cycle?  This decision is crucial because we can not heal something if we are not ready.

It is only when we take full responsibility for our own internal trauma patterns that we can really make a change. If you are with someone that is causing you sadness and suffering the first place you must begin is within yourself because it isn’t your fault someone is treating you badly but it is your responsibility to stop the cycle and say NO to any kind of unhealthy behavior.

Trauma bonding can be difficult to unhook from when you are not aware of what’s really happening. When you begin to do some inner child work and heal the younger aspects of yourself you can dissolve these unhealthy patterns. I always say to my clients you must always begin with self-awareness around YOURSELF, and how you show up in relationships. When you begin to go inwards and heal you can totally end this cycle for life.

I believe in you and remember YOU are the only one that can change the outcome of your life.

I am here for you

With love

Sally

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