3 Mistakes you are making in your relationship

 

3 MISTAKES YOU ARE MAKING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP/BLOG

 

Being somebody that was in pursuit of love for much of my adult life these 3 mistakes I am about to share were certainly lacking within myself and my relationships at the time. I personally feel our most intimate relationships can be a catalyst for epic transformation within ourselves and are purposely meant to show us how to love unconditionally, expand our own awareness and  evolve us more deeply into who we truly are. Our relationships undoubtedly can trigger us into our own unhealed spaces at times and it isn’t always sunshine and blue skies, even the most balanced loving relationships have their difficulties but they are always opportunities for personal growth, to push past our own comfort zone. Every relationship at some point in time requires patience, coherence, trust, honesty, vulnerability and a lot of laughter and most importantly you really need to like your partner, notice I use the world like because through the trials of life we ultimately want our best friend beside us we need to really like them, not just as a lover but as our soul mate the person that loves us even on our worse days. So with that being said lets dive into these 3 mistakes people are making in their relationship. I am mentioning these specific ones today as I feel if you get these on point  your relationship stands a great chance of not only lasting but in being one rich in love and abundance.. so lets dive in..

1. Needing a relationship is not the same as choosing a relationship

OK so here is the thing guys many people are seeking out love because they are needing something outside of themselves to fill the space within their own being. Let me explain a little further as its not often something you are consciously aware of,  when you are deeply in love with your life, happy being with yourself, you are not a person that is seeking out love from a place of need..  You are enough and you feel enough and you feel it right through your bones. You feel complete and are spiritually and emotionally connected within  so therefore you are not going to just settle for anyone who shows up on your path even if they are really nice right?  You are going to instead choose a partner based on your own values, your dreams, goals and desires. There is no urgency to fill a gap, to be with someone for the sake of being with someone, for example, meeting someone that has obvious traits that wouldn’t work big picture for you means you can say NO and filter out anyone else that doesn’t resonate to your core values and truth,  as opposed to opting in to a relationship  with that same person in spite of the obvious traits because you are feeling a need to be in a relationship. Sure that need may come from other pressures, such as getting to a certain age, wanting to start a family or maybe just not feeling worthy or good enough unless you do have a partner, whatever the reason is  it still comes from that place of need and this places pressure on any relationship before its even began, and usually not aligned to your truth.

A person who is choosing love shows up with an attitude of what can I give, when you are needing love you are showing up with an attitude of what do I need and of course this is all often on a subconscious level. This in its self puts a lot of expectation on the other person to supply happiness, love, security or whatever it is you may be needing and already that makes for a shaky foundation on which to build.

So the answers lovely people is to show up from a place of total choice and asking what can I give? wouldn’t you agree?

P.S  If you don’t feel your own  cup is full to give after reading this  and want to understand and learn more self love mastery please contact me via my website. Having your own cup full is absolutely essential to your own happiness darlings.

 

2. You don’t have your own passions and interests outside the relationship

OK so here is the deal I think it is great when couples hang out together and do their thing as couples do, its awesome and I am all for that. YES!! But, and its a big but, if this is all you have, meaning if you have no other passions dreams goals and your time is always interconnected with each other there will be tension and  problems if not now, later. Yes there is always exceptions and you may find 2 people share exact same interests and love to spend a lot of time together with their shared interests, but even then I personally feel you need your own time and space for you and other things. I believe it is imperative to have your own individual passions and also be supported and encouraged by each other.

Having interests you love to do with others or by yourself is healthy and necessary for deep inner completeness. No other one person can be the source of your happiness. I know married couples that only ever do things as a couple and I know that they both have their own desires and needs but out of some obligatory pact to each other they both spend little time on their passions and do things together with most of their free time and it is clear and obvious they are both not thriving because they are not pursuing their truths. I also have married friends where both people have their separate passions and they are both very full with their own individual loves and for each other, they recognize the importance of having their own passions and encourage and support each other.

So with that being said, what are your passions? What do you love to do? what sets your heart on fire? if you are unsure start exploring, find your joy, be curious, be open to new things, break free of the same patterns and try something new…

It is empowering and soul fulfilling having your own passions.

 

3. Not being present and engaging with each other

This is so super important guys….. Are you present with your partner? Do you take the time to totally lock eyes and listen in…

I know how busy your lives can be but I also know that having free time doesn’t always mean you are going to engage and be present with your partner either. Its as though we have forgotten about slowing down and connecting with each other, we are instead on auto pilot in our lives, not stopping to really LIVE IN THE MOMENTS especially with our own partners.

So what does being present really mean here? It means that you are consciously choosing time with each other without distraction, no phones, internet, or other distractions but a time that you can connect, listen, talk, share, laugh and fully engage. To truly listen to each other. For us women this is highly necessary that we have a partner that is willing to listen and have that emotional intimacy, right girls?

One reason women don’t want to engage in sex as men do is often due to the fact that they feel they don’t have the nurturing aspect of the relationship happening. If the only time you become present with your partner is to lay down for sex then it is not going to last, this is a huge mistake a lot of men especially make in their relationships. Connecting to a woman’s mind is far more satisfying than to her  Yoni. Do you agree? I do believe if I am honest both are as important but nothing is quite as satisfying as deep intimate conversations from the soul followed by deep pleasurable sex.

The great thing with choosing to connect mindfully and presently is that you build the intimacy and connection in these very present moments. Its a time to have great fun together too. Point 2 I discussed having your own passions and that it is super important but equally is the  quality time and “being present” time together. If you have children set time aside when its just you and your partner, once a week or month.

I will add though that its often all in the details. Noticing the little things he or she did that day, and letting that other person know, being present means you are paying attention and that is what good sold relationships are made of.

So to sign off for today lovely ones I want to recap my message in a few words. Mistakes don’t need to be mistakes, we can learn we can improve, we can  be the best version of ourselves every day so do this…

My message is simply

what can I give?

How can I support your dreams and passions?

How can i be more present with you every day and learn more and more

 

loving you all

Sally Kalan